much needed therapy
The clock is ticking away in the brightly lit room. When his eyes close it’s almost like the ticks are getting louder and closer, closing in on him, choking him until he can’t breathe anymore. When he opens his eyes it’s like nothing has changed. The room is still empty, save the all too chipper receptionist sitting there, happily typing away at her computer. Then she looks at her phone and laughs. He almost wants to get up and strangle her because her laugh is so obnoxious he can hardly stand it anymore.

Instead he just closes his eyes again, the ticking of the clock becoming the only thing he hears. Perhaps this is what other people feel like when they are placed in this situation, he thinks for a moment, and he brushes away the notion quickly. Even though he is supposedly emphatic due to the nature of his job, he is not. No, instead he is focused on the why. He wants to know every single fear that is inside of everyone and he knows that the other side of him also wants to know. Even though he is not out at play right now he can feel those thoughts creep into his mind and he wants the memories to die. He wants all of his memories to be wiped clean from his system. Everything just gone.

Deep down he knows that will never happen because he knows how this will end. He has seen what has happened to the others, how it has affected everyone else who has gone through this, and he knows that it is a matter of time before he is committed because he let a sociopath take over his body. When he is himself it is different; sure, he may also be a slight sociopath but he’s not nearly as crazy. His sanity now is teetering on the brink of destruction and it all happened when it started again. Just when he thought he was getting better, it started again.

For the first month it happened he didn’t do anything. Then last time, ah, last time, he teamed up with someone to create fear and chaos. It was exactly what he needed. Jason himself didn’t remember a lot of the details of the encounter, only that he knew the feeling that he had done something wrong. It was horrible, not like some of the other times before, but there was always a feeling of dread after the weeks when he had done something that he couldn’t deem as forgivable, which was saying a lot for him. This feeling was causing him to lash out and behave out of character, his little road trip last month only seemed to drive that point home. He needed to figure out what was going on with him. Or, at the very least, get it in control.

The problem with that was Jason’s ego. That was always the one thing that stood in his way more often than not. His ego was so big and he was far too stubborn to ever change that. When he was younger and a scared little boy it was different. When he was a scared little boy he didn’t know what to do with himself because the physical pain was too much. When he realized he could use his words to manipulate the situation and mastermind, that’s when everything changed for him. Deep down he may still be that scared little boy but he never wanted to let the fear win.

When his name was called back, he walked through the door and into the next room. The woman sitting with her back to him was smiling, he could tell from her body language. He closed the door behind him and he made his way over to the seat across from her. “Julia,” he called out, before sitting in the chair across from her. “Thank you for making the time to see me.”

Julia Warner. She was someone that Jason had gone to school with all those years ago in their Harvard days. She was well respected and gorgeous. Jason would be remiss if he didn’t try to sleep with her at least once and he had. That was a long time ago and things had changed. Julia was married now with two children. It was that white picket fence life that Jason had never really wanted anyway. “Anything for you, Jason.” There was a tinkle in her clear blue eyes and she pushed back a strand of her chocolate brown hair. He slyly smiled at her and he got comfortable in his seat.

“Have you ever treated someone who knows all of your tricks?” He asked curiously and he crossed one leg over the other, letting his arms fall on either arm rest. “If you honestly think you know all my tricks, Jason, I would have never agreed to this. While we may know each other personally and as colleagues, you have absolutely no idea what I’m capable of,” she said, leaning in forward a little bit. “And if you think for a moment that I’ll be seduced by your charms, you have another thing coming. This is strictly about you getting help. I don’t know what you do with your clients but my rules apply here, not yours. I want to make that perfectly clear.”

Jason felt himself tense up a little, wondering if perhaps he made the wrong call in coming here. Although, Julia was one of the best in Boston, he knew it just from being in the same graduating class as her. Her mind was brilliant and she had helped so many people throughout the years. If he was going to go to anyone with his problems, it was going to be her. He sighed for a moment and looked at her, almost stared at her through her soul. It was a silent acknowledgment but that was all she needed to continue on with the session.

“So, what brings you in today?”